Thou shalt not go to Kenya

Nor will you to Uganda travel

I say, go not to Tanzania

And if you will hear me,

Never to those Middle Eastern states

To Mali? No, no, no!

Nigeria? Never!

You see, these godforsaken places

Are hotbeds for terrorism!


Ah, I see

You ignored the Federal word of caution

Drawn by Uganda’s lush landscape,

You doubted me

Tantalized by Kenya’s wildebeests

You brushed off my word of caution!

Wooed by Kilimanjaro’s towering splendour,

You booked your travel anyway

But you see,

The Foreign and Commonwealth Office posted about it too

And did you read what the French said?

These places, dear Western citizen,

Are not safe for your precious life

Their citizens die every day,

If not from Malaria,

Hunger, cholera, and Ebola will take them

When terrorists harvest a few more

It makes no difference

But you,

Lose not your life in these lowly places

Where terrorists roam free!


No, wait

Did I hear New York?

Did you say London? Madrid?

What? Twice in Paris?

They’re everywhere!


Travel advisory, revised:

You’re not safe anywhere

The terror craze is global!