Thou shalt not go to Kenya
Nor will you to Uganda travel
I say, go not to Tanzania
And if you will hear me,
Never to those Middle Eastern states
To Mali? No, no, no!
You see, these godforsaken places
Are hotbeds for terrorism!
Ah, I see
You ignored the Federal word of caution
Drawn by Uganda’s lush landscape,
You doubted me
Tantalized by Kenya’s wildebeests
You brushed off my word of caution!
Wooed by Kilimanjaro’s towering splendour,
You booked your travel anyway
But you see,
The Foreign and Commonwealth Office posted about it too
And did you read what the French said?
These places, dear Western citizen,
Are not safe for your precious life
Their citizens die every day,
If not from Malaria,
Hunger, cholera, and Ebola will take them
When terrorists harvest a few more
It makes no difference
Lose not your life in these lowly places
Where terrorists roam free!
Did I hear New York?
Did you say London? Madrid?
What? Twice in Paris?
Travel advisory, revised:
You’re not safe anywhere
The terror craze is global!